How to stop worrying

Blue sky, motorway sign with 'worry free zone' and an arrow

What is this thing called worry?

Have you ever found yourself thinking about something that hasn’t happened yet? Or thinking about what could happen and feeling anxious about it? This thinking can usually occur when we don’t want it to. It is a pattern of thinking that brings with it a feeling of anxiety, and it is called ‘Worry’.

Worry is a cognitive (thought) process that our brain engages in to predict what might happen and prepare for it. On the surface, it doesn’t seem like anything is wrong with this; our brains are predicting machines – they need to be like this to keep us alive. But where this can become hijacked into something unhelpful is when we start only to predict the unpleasant or difficult things that might happen and things that we feel we might not be able to deal with.

The Cycle of Worry

This thinking activates our threat network, and we might feel more on edge (activated). We also might find that no matter how hard we try, we can’t figure out how to stop worrying, making us feel more anxious or irritated. If we tell ourselves to ‘stop worrying,’ we will likely have more worries. Ironic process theory shows us that if we try to stop doing something, a paradoxical effect takes place, and we are more likely to do that thing.

Therefore this all means it can be quite easy to get into a cycle of worry.

How to get out of the cycle of worry

You can escape the cycle of worry by disrupting the automatic pattern. Here’s how.

  • Notice
  • Label
  • Put it into words and get it out
  • What is the problem and what can I do about it
  • When will I do it
  • Do it / Let it go
Notice & label

The first thing to do is to tell yourself that how you feel right now is due to your threat network just trying to look out for you. Notice that this is worry and label it as a worry. This labelling starts disrupting the circuit and brings on board another part of our brain.

Put it into words

Put into words what you are worrying about. Ask yourself the question, “What am I actually worrying about?” Write it down if this helps to work with what it is.

Can I do anything about this right now?

Ask yourself, “Can I do anything about this right now?”. This question has two parts to it. The first part is getting you to think about whether this is a problem you can solve or a hypothetical issue you cannot do anything about. The second part asks you to focus on what you can do right now. This part is critical because it gets you to hone in on the action you could take.

Schedule what to do and when you will do it.

Decide what you need to do right now and schedule when you will do it. As you do this, you are bringing your brain into problem-solving mode. However, notice that some of the actions you might need to take might make you feel anxious because they might be difficult. You might be tempted to avoid them, but that would mean that your brain would know that you have avoided doing the thing, and it would throw the worry back up again.

Let it go

After you have scheduled what to do, let the thought go. At that point, you have agreed with yourself to do something and have told yourself when you will do it. If the thought comes back again, remind yourself of your schedule.

Do it

Make sure you do the thing you have scheduled to do, otherwise the avoidance will lead to worry popping back up again.

Keep practising

Remember that you are developing a new pattern, so it will take lots of practice to weaken the old pattern. After a while, though, you should be able to ask yourself, “Can I do anything about this right now?” If the answer is ‘no,’ then you can let it go.

The Worry Tree

Here is a worry tree that I created to explain the above. It is adapted from the classic worry tree by Butler & Hope (2007).

I have also put together a PDF that explains the worry tree. If you would like to download a PDF of the Worry Tree document ‘Free yourself from worry,’ just click to download it below:


Using expressive writing to manage worries

In my weekly YouTube LIVE sessions I use expressive writing to offload and process worries. You can have a look at past sessions where we focused on worry here:


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