What are the Sunday scaries and how can expressive writing help me with them?
Do you ever feel a sense of dread as Sunday evening approaches? You’re not alone. This phenomenon, known as the “Sunday Scaries,” affects many of us as we think about the week ahead and what is facing us. In this post, I thought I would mention how you can use a technique called ‘Expressive writing’ to help manage this feeling.
Understanding the Sunday Scaries
The Sunday ‘scaries’ is the name for that feeling of apprehension or Sunday night anxiety. A survey posted on LinkedIn found that 80% of American workers worried about the week to come on Sundays.
This feeling is a form of ‘anticipatory anxiety‘, where we experience a rise in activation in our nervous system as we are gearing ourselves up for the week to come. In a way, this is similar to the Friday feeling, but on Fridays we will be looking forward to what is coming, so our perception of this feeling is a positive one.
On Sundays we often are not looking forward to Monday, so with the (normal) activation that we feel in our bodies as we are gearing up for the week, we may get thoughts about what we are facing. This can mean that we tend to perceive the activation in our bodies as a negative feeling. Instead of excitement, we often feel apprehension or dread about the coming week.
The feeling in our body can be coming from the same place, but what we are predicting makes us perceive this feeling differently.
When we are feeling apprehensive, this is often when we are predicting that something not so good will happen. We may be having ‘what if’ thoughts. These ‘what if’ thoughts are predictions about what might happen, and are usually negative.
Worry is an anxious thought about something that might happen in the future. The content of that thought and the uncertainty about it both make us feel more anxious. This can then lead to a chain of anxious thoughts, and the cycle can be hard to break out of. This can happen whilst trying to sleep as well, which can be very frustrating!
Breaking the Cycle: A Therapeutic Writing Approach Using Expressive Writing
Many of us try to combat the Sunday Scaries through distraction. We might binge-watch our favourite shows or scroll endlessly through social media. Or, if trying to sleep, we might tell ourselves to stop worrying. However, these tactics often provide only temporary relief.
Also, if you tell yourself to ‘stop thinking’ about something, this sets up a process in the brain whereby the brain is more likely to think about that thing because you are calling attention to it, and because the brain has to notice what it isn’t supposed to think about, in order to try not to think about it! So, instead of saying “stop thinking about that”, maybe use different wording like, “I don’t need to deal with that right now”.
Or, you could tackle the anxiety head-on in a short-term pain for long-term gain kind of way, with a therapeutic writing session.
How to do it
You take 15 ins during your Sunday and deal with these thoughts and feelings, rather than spending the whole day trying to get away from them and trying to put them off. By tackling what you are trying to distract from, you will then have less need to avoid the thoughts and feelings, and if you don’t need to avoid the thoughts and feelings, then you will feel less bothered by them.
The Expressive Writing Process for the Sunday Scaries
Step 1: Rate how you feel now
Before we begin writing, it’s important to understand where we’re starting from. Draw a circle and divide it into quadrants. The vertical axis represents your level of activation (from flat to hyper), while the horizontal axis represents how pleasant or unpleasant you’re feeling. Place a dot in the quadrant that best represents your current state.
Step 2: Set a Timer
Now, we dive into the heart of the method. Set a timer for 7 mins. Take out a pen and paper and write out everything on your mind about tomorrow and the week ahead. Don’t hold back – get all your thoughts and feelings onto the page. If you feel like stopping, try to push through and keep writing. This process helps to externalize your worries and anxieties.
Step 3: Breathing Exercise
When the timer ends. Stop writing. Now take a moment to pause and ground yourself. Place your feet firmly on the floor and take a deep breath in. As you exhale, let out a big sigh and try to release any tension in your body. Repeat this a few times. This simple exercise can help activate your parasympathetic nervous system and reduce stress.
Step 4: The Worry Tree
Next, we’ll use a tool called the Worry Tree. Look at what you have written. For each worry you’ve written down, ask yourself: “Can I do anything about this right now?” If the answer is yes, make an action plan. If not, practice letting it go. For worries about future events, consider what information you need to gather before you can take action. Set a timer for 7 mins to do all of this.
Step 5: Action Planning
Transform your worries into concrete action plans. Schedule specific times to address the issues you can control. By doing this, you’re making an agreement with your brain – you acknowledge the concern and commit to addressing it at an appropriate time.
Step 6: Final Wrapping up
Now set a timer for another 7 mins to get out onto paper anything that remains in your mind to write about. Then, pause, breathe, and return to your quadrant diagram and reassess your state. Place a new dot to represent how you’re feeling now. Often, people find that their state has shifted to a more positive quadrant after completing this process. One of the reasons for this is the worry tree and action plan which can help you bring a future focused thought back to only the steps that are in front of you right now. Then setting an action plan for these, even if all you can say to yourself is “I will wait until after the meeting and reassess it then”.
Conclusion
The Sunday Scaries don’t have to control your weekends. By using this therapeutic writing method, you can face your worries head-on, develop action plans for the things you can control, and practice letting go of those you can’t. Remember, if a worry resurfaces, ask yourself: “Can I do anything about this right now?” If not, give yourself permission to let it go and enjoy the rest of your Sunday.
Download the Worry Tree HERE.
Give this method a try next Sunday – you might be surprised at how much it can help!
Expressive Writing, CBT and Music: A method for writing about and managing our emotions
If you would like to go deeper with using expressive writing to manage how you feel, or you would like to know how to write about difficult and challenging events, have a look at my self-paced video course. I have put this together to walk you through in a manageable way how to write about your feelings in a safe way. This course also includes a a four-part module on writing about traumatic events. There is also a bonus module on using different types of music and sound when writing therapeutically.
